Midlife Love Bytes! | Relationship | Insight | Psychology | Healthy Love | Transition

Beth Luwandi, LPCC, shares psychology behind successful midlife dating, mating, and relating plus stories from the trenches. Includes first-hand accounts from experts, specialists, and peers plus effective exercises you can do now.
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Jan 25, 2017

A follow-up from the Midlife Dating 101, 2017 Seminar in Cincinnati, Beth talks about Attraction, communication rules and progression, dating in midlife for optimum health (and avoiding pain,) the communion of love and loss, and seven fabulous dating tips that will serve you well!

Want the full show notes (as a supplement or to READ instead of listen?) Find them at and look for episode 27.

Dec 20, 2016

Men and Women (and different personality types) deal with heartache in various ways. Beth shares the best answers for how long it takes to heal after divorce or a break-up. She covers a list of sure-fire ways to make it worse. Of course, she finishes with a list of 13 specific ways to heal as quickly and thoroughly as possible.
Don’t spend time asking the hard Why and What questions. Substitute instead the questions you can actually get helpful information on. How do I get through this? How do I make sense of this?

See the complete shownotes at

Dec 13, 2016

Infidelity can rock your world like nothing else. Recovering and even saving the relationship IS possible.  Anne Goshen, LCSW, PhD,  psychotherapist practicing in San Diego, California outline's the Gottman Institutes phases of recovery. How this issue gets addressed can truly be the make or break in your healing. Beth brings a Burning Question at about 17:00 regarding when things get mighty messy and some form of retaliation enters the situation. Join us!
Link to resources and complete show notes at

Nov 17, 2016

Married? In a relationship, alone, or any description in between? Is love hard? Question your limiting beliefs. Burning Question: 38 year old man, together with his wife for eight years asks Why is it so hard to have a good relationship? Beth takes you through a process of examining and questioning what you believe about love and relationships including the common beliefs that relationships are hard, take a lot of work, and require compromise. You just might be surprised by how easily you can shift your thinking and begin to have an easy, joyful, connected experience and attract more love.

Complete show notes at

Nov 10, 2016

For single Smart and Sassy Women and Genuine Good Guys. Recorded in mid-October, Beth gives a list of great resources you can check out. She summarizes from several online articles. Beth takes a light survey of popular publications and their ideas for how YOU can get through until late February. You might find some good ideas! And the list might just be fun, no matter what.
Glamour, PsychCentral, Huffington Post LonerWolf blog, single person’s holiday survival guide.

complete show notes at

Oct 19, 2016

Beth Luwandi LPC outlines how to handle the holidays when you’re single. She goes over tips on how to handle it, how to talk about it and who to talk to about it. Beth gives examples for different ways to make the experience better for yourself including feeling your feelings, telling the truth about those feelings with the right people, and exploring your options. Don’t make it worse for yourself. Beth gives tips on how to avoid the stuff that makes it all worse and how to make it a little better.

See the complete show notes at

Oct 12, 2016

Dr. Nazanin Moali, licensed psychologist practicing in southern California talks about the tenets of healthy sexuality, what is at the root of many sexual issues, changes in libido as we age, and knowing when it’s time to get professional help.
Burning question comes from a 52-year old woman with grown sons in their early 20’s who was suddenly widowed about a year ago. She wants to know how to approach her desire for sex after a long, frequent, satisfying sex life in her marriage. You’ll love what Dr. Naz has to say about this situation. Dr. Naz defines sexual addiction, explores polyamorous connections, and underscores cultural influences.

See the full show notes at

Learn more about Dr. Naz at


Oct 7, 2016

Beth Luwandi Lofstrom, LPC practicing in Cincinnati, outlines the differences between red and pink flags in relationship or connection and what to do when you encounter them. She explores why there is no such thing as a yellow flag in relationship or new connection or even in long-term or committed relationship. Beth uses a story intro featuring a very attractive, high maintenance woman paired with a man to demonstrate how outside perspective evaluating couples does not always hold.  Like a fun little love story analysis? You’ll like this one. You need to know once an for all how to distinguish between a red and a pink flag.

See the full show notes at

Sep 17, 2016

Psychologist Melvin Varghese, PhD, founder and host of the podcast, Selling the Couch defines perfectionism, fear, and resilience as it shows up in relationships. Beth and Melvin explore the good and bad sides, the way we navigate in life and relationship and then dive into the balance with work as well. It’s a great conversation for successful, intelligent, driven people (like you.)

Complete show notes at

More about Melvin and Selling the Couch at


Aug 25, 2016

Beth and Beth Franchini talk Brene Brown’s research on shame, shame resilience, and what to do with this intense, burning feeling in the context of relationship. Beth Franchini explores how disconnecting, fear of losing connection, and believing we’re unworthy of love and belonging are at the core of shame.

 She differentiates between guilt, embarrassment, humiliation, and SHAME which says, “I’m bad.” This is the stuff we don’t want to talk about at all and includes a deep-seated belief we’d rather not look at.

Maybe you are vulnerable to shame triggers in these areas: body image, money and work, religion, trauma, addiction, mental health, physical health struggles. Then there are unique individual triggers stemming from personality and our family of origin. Those beginning experiences in family relationships are the longest-lasting.

Complete shownotes at

Aug 20, 2016

In this episode, Beth answers several related Burning Questions that have come in. You may have some of the same questions and the answers just might be surprisingly simple. First,Beth reviews the overarching framework to her Dating, Mating, & Relating Coaching:
Preparation: preparing yourself for good relationship
Attraction: knowing how it works
Connection: doing what works to get you connected
Evaluation: being able to look at this fairly and make decisions
Relationship: making very healthy love work.
Listen for the answers to the same burning questions YOU may be asking.

Jul 12, 2016

It's not a scandal; it's NORMAL! Learn how the psychosocial navigation of midlife is just a life passage affecting every single one of us. According to Erik Erickson, it occurs between the ages of 34 and 60 and includes four objectives Beth covers as we navigate the polarities of Generativity and Stagnation. Learn how central personality questions help to complicate the process and how they can be a key to helping you decide between RED flags (or deal-breakers) and PINK flags (your internal signals that are just invitations for growth!) You are already engaging the area of EVALUATION in relationship! Now get smart about it and make the distinction between reasons to break-up and reasons to regenerate in midlife and grow! Burning Question from Lydia, a 58-year old grandmother of two and in a relationship for the pat year and a half with an old beau. She's torn between her newish/old man and the pull toward her grandchildren and children. She wants to know how to evaluate fairly the connection with this great guy.

Erik Erickson says the psychosocial crisis is decided AS people interact with their environment and engage their creativity.

People in this life stage have these objectives:

  1. Managing a career. Can include evaluating the meaning of it, making a difference, midlife career change, starting to contribute more to others than just making an identity or making a living.
  2. Nurturing an intimate relationship. If you're in a long-term marriage it may mean fueling the passion. If you haven't had a successful, long-term relationship you probably want more than ever to get it right!
  3. Expanding care relationships. This includes caring for aging parents and taking care of children. As longevity increases it also means we are expanding care to grandchildren at the same time!
  4. Managing a household.

Part of evaluating a connection (and your life) fairly is to know yourself well. It can help you distinguish between Red flags and Pink flags.

Ask yourself if these are your DRIVING NEEDS.

  1. You want to be good, to have integrity, to act according to your conscnience. You're serious about improving and fixing the lives of others.
  2. You want to be loved unconditionally. Because it's so important, you love others and do for them and that helps you reinforce your image of yourself and good feelings about yourself.
  3. You want to feel valuabela dn worthwhile, to do what it takes and be the best you can be, to do what it takes to achieve or please other people.
  4. You want to find yourself, to solidify a significant identity and prolong selected feelings while moving away from the others.
  5. You want to be capable and confident, to be competent and master something that proves it. You may want to retreat into study or research or practice before you emerge into the world. (Trouble is, you may rarely consider yourself ready to move out into the world.)
  6. Do you want to find security and support, to belong, and have solid loyalty from friends? You create social alliances and structures, even frameworks of belief that help you feel solid.
  7. Maybe you want primarily to be satisfied, to be content, to have your needs met, to be stimulated and avoid boredom. You may spend your time doing those things that support your self-satisfaction. Sacrifice might not fit in your vocabulary.
  8. You want to protect yourself, to control your life, to be master of your own destiny and to prove your strength in action and achievement. You like winning and all of life seems appropriate as a contest.
  9. You want to experience inner peace and stability. Others see you as the calm in the midst of storm, a stabilizing force. Trouble is, they can't see how much energy it takes to be the peacemaker and the avoid conflict.

Recognize yourself?

Have you asked yourself what that driving need gets you?

Here's the advice:

  1. Be kind to yourself and to the other person. Gentle it up! Take a deep breath and tell yourself "I can be kind."
  2. Accept that you have relationship with REAL PEOPLE. (And this is a love relationship with a human being.)
  3. Learn to identify what are RED flags and what are PINK flags.

Deal breakers:

Cuts to the heart, violates central value and worth: cutting down, critical sense of humor, inattention to big needs (empathy and role compatibility.) Can you TALK about what's important to each one of you?

Pink flags are about you! Take a look at those internal driving needs.

If you think it's a pink flag, you're probably right! This could just be your own midlife crisis. Don't break hearts or crush a good relationship; do your own growth in this stage!

In Cincinnati?  Don't miss the Get Set for Love Seminar July 28 from 6-9 pm. Read more about it here.


Jun 9, 2016

Hear the why and how behind the Rules for a Cooperative Divorce. These Rules (compiled by Boyan & Termini and part of their Cooperative Parenting Institute) were written by a teen whose parents divorced but apply for children of divorced parents of ALL ages, even adults. Beth expands on the Rules and of course, shares personal examples.

May 12, 2016

Beth Luwandi, LPC speaks with Rebecca Wong, LCSW-R, Relationship Therapist and creator of Connectfulness. Find out more at Learn more about relationship issues including empathy, connection, conflict, and asking for what we need. Rebecca introduces Relationship Reboot, her upcoming email program designed to recharge you in the areas of energy, money, and time. Developed in collaboration with a yoga instructor and a financial planner, Rebecca adds her expertise in relationship to round out this perfect marriage of these three areas where people clash. Burning Question of the episode comes from 57 year-old woman in a second marriage for 17 years: How do I get my husband to express more empathy?

Enjoy the show and be sure to subscribe for FREE on iTunes and read the show notes at

Apr 28, 2016

Are those deal breakers in you marriage, relationship, connection, or date selection? Beth takes a deep look at Bert Adams' 1986 research-based triangle of the Five Phases of Mate Selection in the US and how the common, normal sense, acceptance, and structure of coupling can be a comfort AND a guide no matter what your situation. Includes a definition of red versus pink flags. Pay attention to both, but in different ways! Answering the burning question from Sarah: How do I know if this man is the wrong one for me? Find complete show notes at

Apr 21, 2016

Round two For Men ONLY dedicated to helping dating men find quality (read HOT, eligible, interested) women. Beth lists more than 20 fantastic places to rub shoulders with HER. Explore the fantasy floating around in your psyche and take the cautionary advice for succeeding when you see her. Now available on Google Play Music. Subscribe there, at Stitcher, or on iTunes where you can Rate and Review (i.e.leave your love note!)

Additional show notes available at

Apr 12, 2016

Perspective on choosing your kids over your mate and vice versa. Carla Seemann, LPCC-S, shares her wisdom from 27 years working with children and their families in all stages of change and adaptation. What do you do if your kids hate your new mate? Are you choosing the kids and sacrificing an intimate relationship? People ask this in nuclear families and long-term marriages too. What is the healthiest way to help, even your grown children, adjust to a change in the family configuration? How, when, and what do you communicate to the kids? This is great stuff for one of the toughest parts of midlife love and Carla has the healthy scoop!

Apr 7, 2016

Love can take a bite out of you no matter what your history or current status! Just because you’ve been through this before does not mean you are immune to the accompanying fear when risking in love. Beth takes you through three reminders on how to avoid heartache and three tips for dealing with heartbreak after the fact.

Read the complete show notes at Become part of the community and discussion on facebook: Midlife Love Bytes.Subscribe and leave a "love note" in the Rate and Review section on iTunes. No matter how you do it, stay in touch and let me know what is working and how I can support you!


Mar 29, 2016

Loneliness strikes in relationship and during singleness. Empty nest, divorce, the cold of Minnesota winter, foreclosure, and no dog conspire to create the most desolate lonely of Beth's life. Hear the story and explore the psychology behind coping mechanisms, (learn why alcohol is a poor one and cigarettes are more effective) and discover how Zumba and dancing at Zorba's on Gull Lake may have been a life line during this darkest winter. Maybe you can relate to how "right thought" and healthy action can work together to help anyone weather the worst. In the reflection, Beth shares how examination of each side of the psychology triangle: thought, feelings, and action give one the best chance of surviving the worst. You'll hear examples of common unhelpful thinking underlying loneliness and the tough emotion of jealousy. In an upcoming episode, we'll explore more deeply the possibilities that jealousy, (a normal, common human emotion) can lead to greater connection instead of division and distance. Midlife Mating 110 Seminar scheduled Thursday, March 31 6-9 pm. Info and registration at Leave love notes on iTunes (meaning Rate and Review there.)

Mar 17, 2016

Beth talks with John Harrison, LPCC as he shares the real-life adventure of 40 days of meditation. Learn how establishing this relationship with self sets the stage for great relationship with others. John tells it realistically: the struggles, the challenges, the inner chatter, (also known as "monkey mind") during his practice of meditation. He introduces his Intuition Coaching, designed to get people in touch with their own inner GPS, to help guide them toward the good life and good love they deserve. Complete show notes at Subscribe and Rate & Review at iTunes. Better yet, tell your friends. This is for ALL Smart and Sassy Women and Genuine Good Guys age 35 and better who are interested in good, healthy, lasting love, relationship, and life! That means it's for partnered, coupled, married, committed, single, dating, and even those who are scared to date too!

Mar 15, 2016

Wonder why your communication breaks down in your intimate and close relationships? Learn how the common text and subtext of so much of human talking makes it so hard to establish and maintain a sense of empathy and closeness. Beth presents her trademarked formula: Clean, Non-Blaming communication or CNBC, explaining how this four-step process helps you strengthen your parasympathetic nervous system. It can shift relationship, invite both participants into responsibility, and does it with respect and value for each.
This is an overview of the rules, guidelines for the process, and a demonstration using a common conflict between people who live together. Not in a relationship? You can use this in ALL kinds of connections and even with friends and your children! Just you getting good at going through the steps will have major benefits! Near Cincinnati? Midlife Mating Seminar 110 on March 31st is a great place to explore this more, apply your unique situation and get some hands-on demonstration and practice. Go to and look for the Midlife Mating 110 tab to register. Check out the complete show notes on

Mar 10, 2016

Beth Luwandi Lofstrom, LPC explores the complex relationship between love and loss. After enduring significant grief, one's ability and willingness to love is altered permanently. She tells the very personal story of losing her closest sister and how it impacted her willingness and ability to love and what events marked her healing. Punctuated with four music tracks from her sister, Mary Lofstrom, jazz vocalist and founder of Shimmering Fishbelly Music (here used by permission) this weaving together of story, psychology, grief, healing, hope, and pain will let you know once and for all that choosing to love again is the richest possibility. Getting there can take as long as you need it to.

Mar 4, 2016

Beth Luwandi LPC and Stephen J Billmann, PsyD, D,ABSM have a conversation about the relationship of sleep, sex, and love. Cincinnati's ONLY Board-Certified Sleep Psychologist for adults, Steve shares answers to dilemmas of how sleep changes (or doesn't) as we get a little older, negotiate with a partner, and mindfully accept reality. His treatment for insomnia is evidence-based, medication-free, and won't ruin your relationship! Like Beth's Dating, Mating, and Relating specialty for couples and individuals, this treatment is perfect for successful professionals who are already driven to do well. He presents the possibility of embracing an above-average grade versus needing an A. WARNING:there's a lot of silly giggling (mine) and laughter together. Please Rate and Review on iTunes and leave your love note there. 

Mar 1, 2016

Learn how to make attraction work for you. Beth outlines the psychology behind what men find attractive. More than the beauty ideal, learn what he really thinks of your body and what traits of emotional maturity he values most. Beth reveals the one very common "good thing" good women routinely do to mess up their love relationships and drive good men away. It can lead to divorce and enormous heartache. Thankfully also included is the solution that makes good love possible. Burning question answered about when and how to tell a man about a physical issue. Whether in dating, mating, or relating, you're in for the best love of your life!


Feb 25, 2016

Beth shares three crucial secrets of the female psyche that will give you understanding to get leverage in dating, mating, and relating. Burning Question answered about why women just want the Bad Boy. Real communication and relationship hacks to please your woman.

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